


Not Batman

by blod1tatws



Series: The Sherlock to my John [4]
Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Different Meeting, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-28
Updated: 2014-08-28
Packaged: 2018-02-15 03:47:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,699
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2214633
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blod1tatws/pseuds/blod1tatws
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You: You're turning into a real Batman... JW</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Stranger: I'm not Batman. -SH</p>
<p> </p>
<p>You: Does that mean I can't be Robin then? JW</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Stranger: No you can't be Robin. -SH</p>
            </blockquote>





	Not Batman

**Author's Note:**

> If you are the Sherlock, please let me know! I had great fun with this. I hope you enjoy :)

Stranger: Getting a new number normally dictates you text me first, as you still have my remaining number, Molly. Anyways, do you have that heart for me? The morons tramping about my flat took my other. -SH

 

You: An actual heart? JW

 

Stranger: Wrong number. Obviously. -SH

 

You: Thought so. Considering my name isn't Molly. And I'm also not female. JW

 

Stranger: Well Not Molly, I suppose I ought to answer your question. Yes, an actual heart. -SH

 

You: Do you collect them or something? JW

 

Stranger: No. -SH

 

You: You're a scientist then. JW

 

Stranger: Also no. -SH

 

You: Okay. I got it. JW

 

You: You're a cannibal, right? JW

 

Stranger: Yup. Bravo. You got it. Congrats. -SH

 

You: Do I get brownie points for that? JW

 

Stranger: No. And you didn't get it correct if you didn't catch my waves of sarcasm. -SH

 

You: I did get the sarcasm, thank you. I doubt you would have admitted so freely that you were a cannibal. JW

 

Stranger: That, you did get. Congratulations. -SH

 

You: More sarcasm. JW

 

Stranger: Only the last bit. You are correct in assuming that I am not a cannibal. -SH

 

You: Oh. Good. Then I would have had to report you, stranger. JW

 

Stranger: I've already been reported a few times for multiple reasons. -SH

 

You: Just for cannibalism? JW

 

Stranger: No, nobody has yet believed me to be a cannibal. Most assume Vampire is far more likely. -SH

 

You: Are you pale and drink blood? JW

 

Stranger: I'm pale. -SH

 

You: Do you have pointy teeth? JW

 

Stranger: Mm...not really, no. -SH

 

You: Then you're not a vampire. Stupid people. JW

 

Stranger: Well at the same time I'm pale and dark and only appear when there's a dead person around. -SH

 

You: Okay...that is a bit creepy. JW

 

Stranger: I know. -SH

 

You: Do you work at a morgue or something? JW

 

Stranger: No. Although the vampire thing brought an upside once. -SH

 

You: Oh, how? JW

 

Stranger: I once convinced an officer that I was a vampire. Avoiding the sun, pretending I didn't see myself in mirrors. Eventually he started bringing a stake around in his pocket when I was around. -SH

 

You: You duped a police officer? JW

 

Stranger: He's a moron. -SH

 

You: Well, you've certainly got balls of steel. JW

 

Stranger: Officers are easy to fool. -SH

 

You: Clearly. I mean, who believes in vampires?! JW

 

You: Do you work with the police then? JW

 

Stranger: Anderson apparently. And I assist the Yard occasionally. -SH

 

You: You're a detective then? JW

 

Stranger: Yes. -SH

 

You: Oh. That's cool. JW

 

You: Solved a lot of murders? JW

 

Stranger: Indeed I have. -SH

 

You: Seen a lot of corpses then. Must be a sad job. JW

 

Stranger: Well, -SH

 

Stranger: Not really, no. -SH

 

You: Oh. JW

 

Stranger: Maybe for the Yard. -SH

 

You: But definitely not for you? JW

 

Stranger: No, not for me. -SH

 

You: I couldn't sleep for a week after seeing a dead person for the first time. JW

 

Stranger: Well, I can handle them just fine. -SH

 

You: Unfortunately, I'm nearly used to it as well. JW

 

Stranger: I'm not used to it, I simply hardly care. -SH

 

You: At all? JW

 

Stranger: At all. -SH

 

You: That's a bit...sad. JW

 

Stranger: Not Molly, frequently I see the bodies of people I never have known and never will assure from the snippet I get from their corpse. And that's how things are. -SH

 

You: Don't you feel for their families or friends though? JW

 

Stranger: Why should I care when there's no reason to? It won't bring them back to their meagre existence. -SH

 

You: [Delay] Morbid logic. You might be right. JW

 

Stranger: I wouldn't be giving them back what they lost by being sympathetic. -SH

 

You: So you just solve the murders? JW

 

Stranger: I also sometimes catch them. -SH

 

You: So you do give the families something. You catch their loved ones' killers. JW

 

You: As in, physically catching them. JW

 

Stranger: Yes, physically catching them. -SH

 

You: Wow. You're like Batman, catching the bad guys. JW

 

Stranger: Who? -SH

 

You: Batman! JW

 

You: You know, the comic superhero? JW

 

Stranger: 1.) I've no idea who you're referring to. 2.) Don't make people into heroes, they don't exist. And if they did, I definitely wouldn't be one. -SH

 

You: You solve crimes for a living. That's a bit heroic. JW

 

You: And how can you not know who Batman is?! Didn't you read the comics as a child? JW

 

Stranger: No, I didn't. And a hero is somebody who selflessly performs good deeds, by definition. -SH

 

You: Well, true. JW

 

You: You're a weird hero then. JW

 

Stranger: I'm not a hero, I'm a man who solves crimes for the rush of adrenaline. -SH

 

You: Each to their own. JW

 

You: Much more interesting than my life. JW

 

Stranger: Much more interesting than the life of many. -SH

 

You: If you do say yourself, eh? JW

 

Stranger: I'm certain of it. Anyways, why exactly are you still messaging me? -SH

 

You: Why are you replying? JW

 

Stranger: Booorrreeedddddddd. -SH

 

You: Well, for me it helps fight the loneliness. JW

 

You: In a weird way. JW

 

Stranger: Indeed. But still bored. -SH

 

You: So am I. JW

 

You: See? We're perfect together. JW

 

Stranger: [Image attached] Look, the ceiling. -SH

 

You: Nice. JW

 

You: Wait...

 

You: Is that blood? JW

 

Stranger: Might be. -SH

 

You: Probably is. JW

 

You: [Image attached] Here's my ceiling. JW

 

Stranger: Lovely. -SH

 

You: It is. Especially as it hasn't got any blood on it. JW

 

Stranger: Blood isn't such a horrible decoration. -SH

 

You: Do you also decorate? You're welcome to come do mine. JW

 

Stranger: My decorating consists of bullets in the wall and skulls on the mantel. -SH

 

You: Oh, that's good. JW

 

You: [Image attached] I've already got a gun. JW

 

Stranger: [Image attached] As do I. -SH

 

You: Told you we were perfect for each other. JW

 

You: Sorry, bad joke. JW

 

Stranger: [Image attached] Just don't let my landlady choose your wallpaper. -SH

 

You: That's a nice wallpaper. JW

 

You: Love the graffiti on it. JW

 

Stranger: It makes nice target practice. -SH

 

You: You missed the target several times though. JW

 

You: From what I can see on the zoom on this damn phone. JW

Stranger: [Image attached] Better? -SH

 

You: Yeah, you definitely missed. JW

 

Stranger: I didn't miss much. And the wall deserved the extra beating. -SH

 

You: You should practice more. JW

 

Stranger: I'm going to. -SH

 

You: I'll teach you. I'm a crack shot. JW

 

Stranger: I don't know, shooting the wall randomly is fairly fun. -SH

 

You: Probably not for your landlady. JW

 

Stranger: Yeah, she hates it. But, it's that or horrible screeching sounds, so, -SH

 

You: What the hell is the screeching sound? JW

 

Stranger: [Audio file attached] Violin. -SH

 

You: Dear god...JW

 

Stranger: Murdering it is also a faintly enjoyable activity. -SH

 

Stranger: So that or gunshots. -SH

 

You: Can you actually play for real? JW

 

You: Gunshots is fine. JW

 

Stranger: [Audio file attached] Yes. -SH

 

You: Wow. That's beautiful. JW

 

Stranger: Murdering it is more fun, though. -SH

 

You: Seriously. You're really good. JW

 

You: You're a man of many talents, Mister. JW

 

Stranger: Indeed I am, Not Molly. Violin is good for thinking, so I've had plenty of practice. -SH

 

You: 'Not Molly', is that my nickname then? JW

 

Stranger: Yup. -SH

 

You: Hm, I should come up with one for you. JW

 

Stranger: Good luck. -SH

 

You: 'Not Batman.' JW

 

Stranger: Not Molly and Not Batman. Brilliant. -SH

 

You: Nice to meet you, Not Batman. JW

 

Stranger: You as well, Not Molly. -SH

 

You: Are you interested in what I do for a living? JW

 

Stranger: Not really. But I'll ask what you do anyways. -SH

 

You: Fine. I won't tell you then. If you're not interested. JW

 

Stranger: I'm interested by very little. Tell me anyways. -SH

 

You: I'm a doctor. JW

 

You: Well, an Army doctor. Or I was anyway. JW

 

Stranger: So, Dr. Not Molly. -SH

 

You: Detective Not Batman. JW

 

Stranger: How brilliant. -SH

 

You: Well, it's original. JW

 

Stranger: I still have no idea who Batman is. -SH

 

You: You can Google, I presume? JW

 

Stranger: I can indeed Google. -SH

 

You: Then Google Batman. JW

 

Stranger: Fine. -SH

 

Stranger: Oh this is ridiculous. -SH

 

Stranger: I am definitely not Batman. -SH

 

You: Well, you're dark and mysterious. JW

 

Stranger: But not Batman. -SH

 

You: You're the texting Batman. JW

 

Stranger: I am not Batman. -SH

 

You: No you're not. JW

 

You: You're Detective Batman! JW

 

Stranger: I'm Detective Not Batman according to you earlier. -SH

 

You: Well, I changed my mind. JW

 

You: Because you're mysterious. JW

 

Stranger: That doesn't make me this tights wearing bat obsessed hero guy. -SH

 

You: You could wear tights and a cape to arrive at a crime scene. JW

 

Stranger: Definitely not. -SH

 

You: It would be dramatic to say the least. JW

 

Stranger: I'm dramatic enough without the cape and tights. -SH

 

You: I bet you are. JW

 

Stranger: Only I wear dress pants and a long coat instead. -SH

 

You: Ooh, swishy. JW

 

Stranger: Very swishy. -SH

 

You: You can easily hide things in there. JW

 

Stranger: Indeed I can. -SH

 

You: I bet you're tall then. JW

 

Stranger: I am. -SH

 

You: Only tall people can pull off a long coat. JW

 

Stranger: Well, I am fairly tall. -SH

 

You: Tall, dark and mysterious. JW

 

You: You're turning into a real Batman... JW

 

Stranger: I'm not Batman. -SH

 

You: Does that mean I can't be Robin then? JW

 

Stranger: No you can't be Robin. -SH

 

You: Why not? JW

 

You: I'll even wear tights. JW

 

Stranger: Because I am not Batman. -SH

 

You: Ssh. Just play along. JW

 

Stranger: Go find another bloke who wants to play dress up. -SH

 

You: No. That's just creepy. JW

 

You: Considering I'm not a teenager. JW

 

Stranger: [Delay] Army Doctor did you say? SH


End file.
